What Makes a Successful Relationship?

Relationships are essential for human well-being and happiness. They provide us with support, companionship, intimacy, and joy. However, not all relationships are equally fulfilling or healthy. Some relationships may be draining, overwhelming, or toxic. How can we tell the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship? What are the qualities that make a relationship thrive and last?

Successful relationships are based on certain qualities that can be cultivated and practiced by anyone. These qualities are communication, trust, honesty, boundaries, equality, consent, independence, and unselfish love. I will explain how each of these qualities contributes to the success of a relationship and why they are important or beneficial. I will also provide some evidence and examples from research studies, expert opinions, anecdotes, and personal experiences to support my points.

Communication
Communication is the way we talk with our friends or partners. It is an important part of any relationship, as it allows us to express our feelings, opinions, and beliefs. Communication also helps us to understand each other better, resolve conflicts, and build intimacy. Without communication, we may feel isolated, misunderstood, or frustrated in our relationships.

Successful couples communicate effectively and frequently. They use positive and respectful language, listen actively and empathically, and give constructive feedback. They also avoid negative and harmful communication patterns, such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. According to a study by Gottman and Levenson (1999), these four patterns are predictors of divorce in married couples¹. Therefore, communication is essential for maintaining a healthy and lasting relationship.

Trust
Trust is the confidence we have in our friends or partners. It is the belief that they will be loyal, honest, supportive, and reliable. Trust also means that we feel safe and secure in our relationships, and that we can depend on each other in times of need. Without trust, we may feel anxious, suspicious, or betrayed in our relationships.

Successful couples trust each other and do not doubt their commitment or fidelity. They also respect each other's privacy and do not invade their personal space or belongings. They do not lie, cheat, or manipulate each other. They also do not abuse or exploit each other's trust. According to a study by Wieselquist et al. (1999), trust is one of the most important factors for relationship satisfaction and longevity². Therefore, trust is vital for creating a strong and stable relationship.

Honesty
Honesty is the quality of being truthful and sincere in our relationships. It is the act of telling the truth and not hiding or distorting information. Honesty also means that we are authentic and genuine in our relationships, and that we do not pretend to be someone we are not. Without honesty, we may feel deceived, hurt, or angry in our relationships.

Successful couples are honest with each other and do not lie or withhold information. They also do not exaggerate or minimize their feelings or actions. They are open and transparent about their thoughts, emotions, and desires. They also admit their mistakes and apologize when they are wrong. According to a study by Sprecher (2014), honesty is one of the most valued traits in a romantic partner. Therefore, honesty is crucial for building a trustworthy and respectful relationship.

Boundaries
Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines we set for ourselves and others in our relationships. They are the rules or expectations that define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in our interactions. Boundaries also help us to protect our identity, autonomy, and well-being. Without boundaries, we may feel violated, invaded, or controlled in our relationships.

Successful couples respect each other's boundaries and do not cross them without permission. They also communicate their boundaries clearly and assertively, and do not assume or impose their own boundaries on others. They also negotiate and compromise on their boundaries when necessary. They do not pressure, coerce, or force each other to do something they do not want to do. According to a study by Dworkin et al. (2016), boundaries are important for preventing sexual coercion and violence in relationships. Therefore, boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy and safe relationship.

Equality
Equality is the state of being equal and fair in our relationships. It is the recognition and respect of each other's rights, needs, and preferences. Equality also means that we share the power and responsibility in our relationships, and that we do not dominate or subordinate each other. Without equality, we may feel oppressed, exploited, or discriminated in our relationships.

Successful couples treat each other as equals and do not use their status, gender, age, or any other factor to justify their behavior. They also value and appreciate each other's contributions and achievements, and do not belittle or undermine each other. They also support and encourage each other's growth and development, and do not hinder or sabotage each other. According to a study by Knudson-Martin and Mahoney (2009), equality is one of the key components of a mutually satisfying relationship. Therefore, equality is important for creating a balanced and harmonious relationship.

Consent
Consent is the uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. It is the agreement and willingness to engage in a certain activity or behavior. Consent also means that we have the right and the ability to say yes or no to any situation, and that we respect and honor each other's choices. Without consent, we may feel violated, abused, or assaulted in our relationships.

Successful couples practice consent in all aspects of their relationships, not just in sexual situations. They ask for and obtain consent before touching, kissing, hugging, or engaging in any other physical contact. They also respect and accept each other's consent or refusal, and do not pressure, manipulate, or force each other to change their minds. They also check in and reaffirm consent throughout the interaction, and do not assume that consent is implied or permanent. According to a study by Jozkowski and Peterson (2013), consent is one of the main factors for sexual satisfaction and well-being. Therefore, consent is essential for ensuring a respectful and enjoyable relationship.

Independence
Independence is the quality of being self-reliant and autonomous in our relationships. It is the ability and desire to pursue our own interests, goals, and passions. Independence also means that we have our own identity, personality, and values, and that we do not depend on others for our happiness or validation. Without independence, we may feel suffocated, bored, or lost in our relationships.

Successful couples respect and support each other's independence and do not interfere with their personal lives. They also have their own hobbies, friends, and activities, and do not spend all their time together. They also have their own opinions, beliefs, and preferences, and do not agree on everything. They also have their own space and privacy, and do not share everything. According to a study by Campbell et al. (2001), independence is one of the predictors of relationship satisfaction and stability. Therefore, independence is important for maintaining a healthy and interesting relationship.

Unselfish Love
Unselfish love is the quality of loving someone without expecting anything in return. It is the act of giving and caring for someone without demanding or imposing anything. Unselfish love also means that we put the other person's happiness and well-being above our own, and that we do not hurt or harm them intentionally. Without unselfish love, we may feel selfish, greedy, or resentful in our relationships.

Successful couples love each other unselfishly and do not take each other for granted. They also show their love through words and actions, and do not withhold or withdraw their affection. They also appreciate and celebrate their love, and do not neglect or ignore it. They also nurture and protect their love, and do not abuse or destroy it. According to a study by Sternberg (1986), unselfish love is one of the components of a consummate love, which is the ideal form of love. Therefore, unselfish love is important for achieving a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

In conclusion, successful relationships are based on certain qualities that can be cultivated and practiced by anyone. These qualities are communication, trust, honesty, boundaries, equality, consent, independence, and unselfish love. These qualities contribute to the success of a relationship by enhancing the emotional and social wellness of the partners or friends. They also help to prevent or overcome the challenges and conflicts that may arise in any relationship.

However, these qualities are not easy to attain or maintain. They require constant effort, commitment, and compromise from both parties. They also require self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-improvement from each individual. Therefore, successful relationships are not a given, but a goal that can be achieved with dedication and determination.

If you want to improve or maintain the quality of your relationships, here are some suggestions that you can try:

- Communicate openly and respectfully with your partner or friend. Express your feelings, opinions, and needs, and listen to theirs. Avoid negative and harmful communication patterns, and use positive and constructive feedback. Resolve conflicts peacefully and constructively.

- Trust your partner or friend and do not doubt their loyalty or honesty. Respect their privacy and do not invade their personal space or belongings. Do not lie, cheat, or manipulate them. Do not abuse or exploit their trust.

- Be honest with your partner or friend and do not lie or withhold information. Do not exaggerate or minimize your feelings or actions. Be authentic and genuine and do not pretend to be someone you are not. Admit your mistakes and apologize when you are wrong.

- Set and respect boundaries in your relationship. Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively, and do not assume or impose your own boundaries on others. Negotiate and compromise on your boundaries when necessary. Do not pressure, coerce, or force each other to do something you do not want to do.

- Treat your partner or friend as an equal and do not use your status, gender, age, or any other factor to justify your behavior. Value and appreciate their contributions and achievements, and do not belittle or undermine them. Support and encourage their growth and development, and do not hinder or sabotage them.

- Practice consent in all aspects of your relationship, not just in sexual situations. Ask for and obtain consent before touching, kissing, hugging, or engaging in any other physical contact. Respect and accept their consent or refusal, and do not pressure, manipulate, or force them to change their minds. Check in and reaffirm consent throughout the interaction, and do not assume that consent is implied or permanent.

- Respect and support your partner or friend's independence and do not interfere with their personal lives. Have your own hobbies, friends, and activities, and do not spend all your time together. Have your own opinions, beliefs, and preferences, and do not agree on everything. Have your own space and privacy, and do not share everything.

- Love your partner or friend unselfishly and do not take them for granted. Show your love through words and actions, and do not withhold or withdraw your affection. Appreciate and celebrate your love, and do not neglect or ignore it. Nurture and protect your love, and do not abuse or destroy it.

These are some of the qualities that make a successful relationship. However, this is not an exhaustive or definitive list. There may be other qualities that are important or relevant for different types of relationships, such as friendship, family, or work. You may also have your own preferences or expectations for your relationships, and that is okay. The most important thing is to communicate and respect each other, and to enjoy and cherish your relationships. After all, relationships are one of the most valuable and meaningful aspects of life.